The Legend of the Crotch Cattle

     The year was 1991, the freshman year of College in Chautauqua hall at SUNY Fredonia. I had a flock of Seagulls haircut and a blackeye from falling off a roof over the summer. My hall was a mixed group from all different parts of the state and my roommate was a local kid from the suburbs of Buffalo named Kevin House; a simple kid with a girlfriend back home and a passion for playing guitar and as dull as hell. As I was the opposite of dull and loved to have fun I befriended almost everybody in the hall and my friend Karl was the guy who had equal sarcasm and imagination to help develop a story that we still talk about to the day...24 years later.
     Karl and I loved to fuck with people, not really in a mean way but more of a ridiculous method of getting people to believe the most outlandish and insane things. We convinced one guy that we used to get really high from smoking a variety of cheeses out of a bong, that was a classic. There was this strange kid in our hall who kinda talked funny and used to tell us stories about how his father had no arms and his mother fell down an elevator shaft; not funny but bizarre stuff. Anyway, he was a weird dude and one time we told him that we were going to the dog pound to fuck dogs and wanted him to come and join us...I still have his reaction in my head like it was yesterday. As we chased him around telling him that he had to come with us he was screaming, "I.....don't want........to fuck no Dahhhhhgggggssss!".The same kid had a 6 am radio show on the college station and he Karl and I both did guest spots on his show, we filled his hour with some strange conversation and I remember playing "Nitzerebb" and "The Ministry" His roommate was equally funny, Rolondo was his name. He was a very tall and lanky African American Kid from some island somewhere. He was super well mannered and spoke with perfect grammar. I remember his decor was a Bon Jovi and a Garfield poster. Rolando used to often dine with us and he often got upset at how unhealthy the food was in the dining hall. At One point he sat and stared at his crappy food service Burger and very politely said, "This is not a balanced meal" as the rest of the people at the table sucked them down like candy.
     Ok now the best of all the little tidbits of fun. Karl and I told Kevin that there was an easy way to make extra money and of course being a college student, he immediately expressed interest. We told him that the local Wendy's had a salad bar and often times bought supplies from local students. The most sought after ingredient was something called "Crotch Potatoes" which are a tiny varietal potato that is grown int he warms and murky undergrowth of a male college students crotch area....and this he believed and wanted to make the extra dough! To take it a step further to the insane, we also told him that we often times wore a special kind of tubing similar to a Hamster Habitual system under our clothing to grow tiny cattle called "Crotch Cattle". to our Amazement he believed that we wore these systems and grew tiny cows for the high demand beef market at Wendy's.

Been a While

It has been a long while since I have written anything on this here blog. Been an interesting year I must say, good and bad. 2009 marked a couple of momentous occasions, the first being that Krista and I eloped in Montauk on August 9th, and I couldn't be happier. The second was the return of Phish and they are still tearing it up.

Summer of 2009 was slow in the beginning and then got better as Krista and I headed out to Montauk for or annual trip out there. We decided to Elope a short time before actually going out there. It was a very special time, we traded vows on the Ditch Plains beach with the help of the local judge and then walked to "The Haze House"(So named for the Weed and Booze that is massively consumed there). We completely threw everybody for a loop walking over there and announcing that we got betrothed. It was a magical few days as we took the best Suite in Montauk and had a great time with everybody including the whole Florida crew that came via a Giant Winnebago.

I left my new bride and headed to Rochester with Chris to see some Phish. Darien Lake, Hartford, and Saratoga. Then in December I saw 2 of 3 shows at MSG...truly amazing.

On the Road with Phish....

I thought that it couldn't get any better than the 3 Jones beach shows, boy was I totally wrong!! After being in the car for upwards of 10 hours we finally arrived at Darien lake for the first of the 3 shows in the Late Summer reunion tour. Chris and I were right at the front of the stage which was totally incredible....a truly top ten show.

Set I: Sample in a Jar, Dinner and a Movie, Wolfman's Brother, My Friend My Friend, Possum, Farmhouse, Sugar Shack, Brian and Robert, David Bowie, Bathtub Gin, How High the Moon¹, Golgi Apparatus
Set II: Drowned> Prince Caspian> Rift, The Horse> Silent in the Morning, Sparkle, Run Like An Antelope, Suzy Greenberg, Fluffhead
Encore: Joy, First Tube

¹ Last Played 3/8/1993 (705 Shows)

After crashing at Gary's house we packed up and headed to Hartford....Another great GREAT show!!

Set I: Punch You in the Eye, AC/DC Bag, NICU, Colonel Forbin's Ascent¹> Fly Famous Mockingbird¹, Birds of a Feather, Lawn Boy, Stash, I Didn't Know, Middle Of The Road, Character Zero
Set II: Down With Disease²> Wilson> Slave to the Traffic Light, Piper> Water in the Sky, Ghost> Psycho Killer³> Catapult> Icculus⁴> You Enjoy Myself
Encore: While My Guitar Gently Weeps

¹ Last Played 9/30/2000 (96 Shows)
² with Reba jam
³ Last Played 12/7/1997 (279 Shows)
⁴ Last Played 7/18/1999 (191 Shows)

Finally the last show of the tour...SPAC. A lot of repeats...but another good show.

Set I: Llama, The Moma Dance, Guyute, Anything But Me, Cars Trucks Buses, Chalkdust Torture, Golgi Apparatus, David Bowie, Cavern, Possum, Ocelot, Run Like An Antelope
Set II: Backwards Down The Number Line> Twenty Years Later, Halley's Comet> Rock and Roll, Harpua> I Kissed A Girl¹> HYHU> Harpua, You Enjoy Myself
Encore: Grind, I Been Around², Highway to Hell

¹ First Time Played (Katy Perry)
² First Time Played (Original)


I'm looking forward to some more shows....love those guys!!

Subway Assholes

1. Move away from the doors, don't block them.
2. Move into the center of the car, there's plenty of room.
3. Don't be an asshole.
4. Keep your Phone on Vibrate
5.Fuck off

I'm back and slimming down

I haven't blogged in a while, haven't thought of anything that people
would find interesting. Recently I've become bothered by the fact that
I had ballooned to 220lbs. My love of sweets and carbs and lack of
excersise had gotten the best of me. So, I'm working it out using the
South Beach diet, and it seems to be working thus far.
The first week was the most difficult because of the withdrawel
from carbs and sugar.. It progressivly becomes easier. Currently on my
4th week or phase 3, I can now eat limited carbs and fruit. It's crazy
to think how much more food I would have eaten during a regular 3 week
period... Nuts.

Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter

First official photo of Johnny Depp in Tim Burton's adaptation of Alice in Wonderland. Pretty f'ing cool.

The Boy in the Striped Pajamas

A truly remarkable film. Everything about this film was totally beautiful. The acting was superb, especially from the two lead children. Krista watched this film yesterday afternoon and loved it so much she watched it again with me last night.